I've been wanting to write about this a long time. In the midst of all my relief, happiness, and blessings, the reality check comes. It comes hard and fast and when it's not expected. It comes in the blink of a teary eye. I see an email note that tells me little Madeline McConnell is gone, snatched from her beautiful family, a family I barely know. I never met Miss M in person, only through little pictures on my computer screen. Yet Jeff and I sit staring helplessly at the monitor, tears streaming down my face, silent, Miss M's round mug peering out atop a busy bee costume. Not much cuter than that, to be honest. Not much in the whole world.
I'll retrace my steps. Madeline's Mommy is my dear friend Amy from college. Amy was an enigma to me, because she was one of the first devout Catholics I had ever known in my life. If I knew any, I wasn't aware of it. Amy hung her rosary on her maple bedpost in her dorm room in Case Hall. She actually prayed it when we weren't bothering her with our petty dumb freshman college drama or worrying about our dates or our hair. She didn't get sucked into all that. In hindsight, I realize it's probably because she prayed her rosary. She was captive by a bunch of protestants and non-believers, including me, who didn't have a clue. One of my funniest memories is of my sweet Baptist roommate, noticing the rosary on the bedpost, exclaiming, "What a pretty necklace Amy, how come you never wear it?" But none of us ever actually asked to learn how, or why, or simply join in. Amy was undoubtedly praying her butt off for all of us hopeless waifs, but never let on. Her beautiful humility was intact and she probably knew her prayers would be answered in some way, whether it helped us convert or not. It would help someone somewhere.
Fast forward 20+ years. Facebook connects me and my friend Amy. She's got a wonderful husband and three handsome little sons...and expecting a daughter with Down syndrome. I have one of those daughters, so I was more than happy to share with her that our daughter with DS is amazing, beautiful, the only one in the family who doesn't have a disability. But I knew Amy and her boys would just have to find that out themselves. And did they ever! Madeline was, well, the star of the show. Gorgeous beyond belief. Full of spunk and fight, which she needed for her laundry list of health problems including her little heart that needed all kinds of fixing. Ending up with a trach tube was the last of her major obstacles. At about sixteen months old she had the world by the tail, and as far as we humans could tell, things would get "normal" at some point. Until the trach tube came out. One minute Maddie is playing, the next she's not, and there was no warning, no sound, no message.
No one can "explain" how these things happen. It happens all the time though. But one thing is for certain- there are no accidents when it comes to death and judgement. God knows when and why and how the beginnings and endings of our lives occur. We certainly don't understand it though, and even more certainly aren't happy about it. Amy's pain must be excruciating. I've prayed and prayed, asking God to take care of her, to comfort and console, give her peace. The sorrow is hers. Maddie's little baptized pure soul is so dear to God; she must be even more beautiful in His presence, no worries. No more doctors and checkups, no trach tube mishaps, no midnight runs to the hospital. Things are infinitely better for her now, whether we can fully appreciate that or not. Meanwhile, Amy will "get it." I know she will, because He doesn't abandon those who love Him. He will not lead the McConnells to something then not lead them through it. He will bring about some great good, somewhere, somehow. Amy has already endured and conquered more than she ever dreamed she could...and this is no different. Meanwhile I will pray that Amy redoubles her efforts, finds a way to pass on this huge amount of knowledge she now has, of which most of us aren't privy, that she can await with love and patience the day she will see Maddie again. She needs to know this friend indeed is praying and doing penance for her, and she is remembered every time I pray my rosary. Rest in peace, little Madeline, and live in peace, Amy.
